The Kanjur Marg Blog » Jokes http://blog.kanjurmarg.com Blog for the residents and fellows of Kanjur Marg Mon, 02 Nov 2009 01:58:18 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 en hourly 1 High Tech Marketing Buzzwords – What They Really Mean http://blog.kanjurmarg.com/2007/01/13/high-tech-marketing-buzzwords-what-they-really-mean/ http://blog.kanjurmarg.com/2007/01/13/high-tech-marketing-buzzwords-what-they-really-mean/#comments Fri, 12 Jan 2007 21:10:29 +0000 Santosh Mishra http://blog.kanjurmarg.com/2007/01/13/high-tech-marketing-buzzwords-what-they-really-mean/ High Tech Marketing Buzzwords – What They Really Mean  
NEW – Different color from previous design  
ALL NEW – Parts not interchangeable with previous design  
EXCLUSIVE – Imported product  
UNMATCHED – Almost as good as the competition  
FOOLPROOF OPERATION – No provision for adjustments  
ADVANCED DESIGN – The advertising agency doesn’t understand it  
IT’S HERE AT LAST! – Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming  
FIELD-TESTED – Manufacturer lacks test equipment  
HIGH ACCURACY – Unit on which all parts fit  
DIRECT SALES ONLY – Factory had big argument with distributor  
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT – We finally got one that works  
REVOLUTIONARY – It’s different from our competitors  
BREAKTHROUGH – We finally figured out a way to sell it  
FUTURISTIC – No other reason why it looks the way it does  
DISTINCTIVE – A different shape and color than the others  
MAINTENANCE-FREE – Impossible to fix  
RE-DESIGNED – Previous faults corrected, we hope…  
PERFORMANCE PROVEN – Will operate through the warranty period  
MEETS ALL STANDARDS – Ours, not yours  
BROADCAST QUALITY – Gives a picture and produces noise  
HIGH RELIABILITY – We made it work long enough to ship it  
NEW GENERATION – Old design failed, maybe this one will work  
CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY – You can return it from most airports  
UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE – Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way  
BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES – We finally got it to fit together  
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED – Manufacturer’s, upon cashing your check  
MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED – Does things we can’t explain

]]> http://blog.kanjurmarg.com/2007/01/13/high-tech-marketing-buzzwords-what-they-really-mean/feed/ 0 Salary Theorem http://blog.kanjurmarg.com/2007/01/13/salary-theorem/ http://blog.kanjurmarg.com/2007/01/13/salary-theorem/#comments Fri, 12 Jan 2007 21:01:35 +0000 Santosh Mishra http://blog.kanjurmarg.com/2007/01/13/salary-theorem/ Dilbert’s “Salary Theorem” states that “Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives, sales people, accountants and especially liberal arts majors.”

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two well known
postulates:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.

As every engineer knows:
Power = Work / Time.

Since:
Knowledge = Power

Then
Knowledge = Work / Time

And
Time = Money

So
Knowledge = Work / Money.

Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

]]> http://blog.kanjurmarg.com/2007/01/13/salary-theorem/feed/ 0 Heights of Orkut http://blog.kanjurmarg.com/2007/01/06/heights-of-orkut/ http://blog.kanjurmarg.com/2007/01/06/heights-of-orkut/#comments Fri, 05 Jan 2007 21:11:21 +0000 Santosh Mishra http://blog.kanjurmarg.com/2007/01/06/heights-of-orkut/ Heights of Orkut
HEIGHT OF ISOLATION:?
Two persons sitting side by side using scraps to communicate with each other.
HEIGHT OF COWARDICE:?
Two persons fighting through scraps.
HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS:??
Receiving no scraps for a week.
HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION:?
The scrap server being down.
HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS:
Writing a love scrap and doing a ‘Send All.
HEIGHT OF ACHIEVEMENT:?
A person sending scraps to a girl wanting to become friends and getting a reply.
HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS:?
A person sending scrap to himself.
HEIGTHT OF EXPECTATION:?
Sending Indian cricket team an e-mail, wishing them to win a match .
HEIGHT OF REPETITION:?
Forwarding an scrap to someone and receiving the same scrap forwarded back to you By some one in the receiving chain.
HEIGHT OF BROWSING:?
U are swimming in the water tank and shout “F1 F1 F1?” instead of shouting “HELP” when you are unable to swim
HEIGHT OF MY DOSTI:
I always scrap, you don’t
HEIGHT OF HAVING NO WORK:
Reading such scrap

]]> http://blog.kanjurmarg.com/2007/01/06/heights-of-orkut/feed/ 0 Third wish http://blog.kanjurmarg.com/2007/01/06/third-wish/ http://blog.kanjurmarg.com/2007/01/06/third-wish/#comments Fri, 05 Jan 2007 20:43:57 +0000 Santosh Mishra http://blog.kanjurmarg.com/2007/01/06/third-wish/ A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray.

“And what will your third wish be?”

The man looked at the genie and said, “Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven’t had a first or second wish yet?”

“You have had two wishes already,” the genie said, “but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left.”

“Okay,” said the man, “I don’t believe this, but what the heck. I’ve always wanted to understand women. I’d love to know what’s going on inside their heads.”

“Sheesh! I wish you’d make up your mind,” said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever, “That was your first wish, too!”

]]> http://blog.kanjurmarg.com/2007/01/06/third-wish/feed/ 0 TOP 10 stupid questions and their answers http://blog.kanjurmarg.com/2007/01/06/top-10-stupid-questions-and-their-answers/ http://blog.kanjurmarg.com/2007/01/06/top-10-stupid-questions-and-their-answers/#comments Fri, 05 Jan 2007 20:36:53 +0000 Santosh Mishra http://blog.kanjurmarg.com/2007/01/06/top-10-stupid-questions-and-their-answers/

Top 10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations :

  1. At the movies, when you meet acquaintances/friends…
    Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
    Answer:- Don’t you know, I sell tickets in black over here…
  2. In the bus, a heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet…
    Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
    Answer:- No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia…..why don’t you try again.
  3. At a funeral, one of the teary-eyed people ask…
    Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
    Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?
  4. At a restaurant, when you ask the waiter
    Stupid Question:- Is the “Butter Paneer Masala” good??
    Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.
  5. At a family get-together, when some distant aunt meets you after years
    Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you’ve become so big.
    Answer:- Well you haven’t particularly shrunk yourself.
  6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask…
    Stupid Question:- Is the guy you’re marrying good?
    Answer:- No,he’s a miserable wife-beating ,insensitive lout…it’s just the money.
  7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call…
    Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
    Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping…. you dumb witted moron.
  8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair…
    Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
    Answer:- No, its autumn and I’m shedding……
  9. At the dentist, when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth…
    Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
    Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.
  10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office asks…
    Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.
    Answer:- Gosh, it’s a miracle ………..it was a piece of chalk and now it’s in flames!!!
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